Stella was born in Ryde on the Isle of Wight in 1936 to Jack and Phyllis Holt, she was always a little disgruntled to find out that she remained un-named for many days as her father considered choices before quickly plumping on Stella Marion at the door of the registry office. Inspired by the motto of his club, the Master Mariners. ‘Stella Maris’, - Star of the Sea - uninspired she would mutter.                                                                        
But perhaps ‘Star of the Sea’ or ‘Guiding Star’ was apt for the way she was?                                                                                        
Enjoying an idyllic childhood on the Island during the war, she enjoyed a lot of time outdoors and at the beach,  She also embraced Literature and Poetry in those formative years, a love of which she retained and passed on.                                                                      
Getting involved with chores such as shelling peas, baking tarts and rollovers under the guidance of her mother along with Ray.
Adrian being 8 years younger than Stella was a baby and Mum was often tasked with looking after him, good practice for the future? 
Phyllis’ constant mantra to her children was ‘you shall reap what you sow’ and this weaves down to this day in the family.                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The war did not feature much in her story on the island apart from an un-exploded bomb originally targeted at the fleet anchored off Spithead landing in a garden of a neighbour's house. They had to move out to sleep under a friends Morrison shelter for 3 nights.
After the war, the family moved to the mainland and Southampton, as Grandpa Jack’s job evolved and he became an outward Pilot rather than an inbound one.                                                                                                                                                              
Stella attended St Anne’s School in Southampton which in turn many years later her granddaughter Megan attended, I believe they shared a similar opinion to schoolwork, but both applied themselves!                                                                                                   
Mum certainly had faith, but she was pretty ecumenical in her approach, having been born in to a traditional but relaxed Anglican family, attended a Roman Catholic school and taught at the local Congregational Sunday school. Contemplation could be  taken anywhere she would say, it is inside that matters. Neither creed nor colour was ever a barrier to Mum's affection or respect.                                            
I believe her primary faith and ‘guiding star’ was driven by her belief in family, her faith in people and their inherent kindness along with  a ‘do unto others that which you would expect for yourself’ attitude. It was to this mast that Mum nailed her colours and instilled in her family.

At 16, Mum went off to catering college in Bournemouth where she met her oldest close friend Diana in 1952. On the first day they were asked to bring in a shirt to learn to sew buttons & holes, Diana’s father had died and with only a mother and sister to call upon could not find a man’s shirt, Mum said she had a surfeit of shirts as she had two brothers in Ray and Adrian and a Father at home. An        additional shirt was found and a great friendship was forged and remained until the end. I had the pleasure of  bringing them together in Bournemouth back in July of last year where they had a lovely day catching up and remembering…                                                        
It was in Bournemouth that she met Derek who was teaching maths and whose  pupils she said, referred to her as his bit of stuff…, the impertinence!
                                                                                                                                                                                               Mum moved to London sharing a flat with Diana in a large house in Ladbrook Grove and was employed in various cooking demonstration jobs in stores and with Lyons chocolate. They had a lot of fun in London with a vibrant group of friends, Ray too was     working in London and Adrian visited. He tell us that he was very concerned about earthquakes until it was explained that the underground was below and this rumbling and shaking was a frequent occurrence!
                                                                                                                                                                                                She married Derek in 1957 with Diana’s husband Dryden acting as best man and living in a grotty Kensington Mews flat off the Gloucester Road, they duly produced myself, Andy.

The fun continued there, but with no hot water, had to go to a friend’s flat for a bath. I remain very wary of horses as the coalman’s horse would stick it’s nose in to my pram when I was put out to enjoy the fresh air of London in the 1950’s !
                                                                                                                                                                                                    A second child, Margaret came along but sadly survived only a few days.
                                                                                                                                                                                               Mum and Dad moved to Heron Way, Hatfield in 1960 as it was the best and most affordable home at £3,000.00, they could get but convenient for London and in turn the Midlands and the North for Dads work. Dikko, David and Emma completed Mum's own family.
 
 Mum proceeded to devote her life to keeping us all on track and the family stable, particularly challenging when Dad was made redundant 5 times in 3 years with 4 young children and the stress of seeking new work.
                                                                                                                                                                                                 But what was so very important was the extended circle of family friends that grew from being early settlers in Hatfield new town.
Mum and Dad were friends with all the neighbours, our garden was central, with a swing and a ‘digging patch’, along with room to kick a ball about.
                                                                                                                                                                                             There was an open house policy, friends would pop in and various children would troop through willy-nilly. The messages of love that we have received  emphasis her open heart, picking up the baton to ensure Birthday parties happened when parents were ill or incapacitated, being a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen when others were at a loss, children were picked up and taken in throughout the time we were young and not so young? Whoever was at # 53 at mealtimes would be fed.                                                                                                         
Obviously, Mum had moved on from shirt buttons and holes and become an accomplished seamstress. Jane Fernback whose mother Mary was married to David, who in turn had shared a flat with Dryden, recalls when 19 years of age she was to go out to relatives in the States and was informed that she would be attending some smart society events, “Mum produced four glorious outfits that served beautifully.” She also remembers Stella and Mary tucking in to Chocolate Eclairs in the kitchen whilst the children played elsewhere...too good for children they would say! Stella’s grandchildren will smile at this as she remained very fond of profiteroles to the end!                               
And later when Jane, the first of our generation to have a baby was struggling with the change from being a successful career girl to new mum, remembers Stella’s words... “This is the most important job you will ever do and of course she was right.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                              As ever, Stella knew her mind and would state it or keep quietly shtum.

Having lived in that house for over 50 years she and we were lucky to have had other young families about and whilst the children may have travelled away, they keep in touch one way or another and those of Mums age remained staunch friends.                                       
She and they saw the next generation fly, wed and grow, they were the background of so many who now send their condolences.            
New families arrived and were embraced, Liz and Graham arrived next door with 2 little girls, now grown. “Having Stella as a neighbour was like living next door to my own Mum without the bad bits!” says Liz.

I think the easiest way to summarise those days is with a quote from Julie Fisher, good neighbours during those important years…, 
“I’m so sorry for the loss of the ‘Stella’ we all remember - someone with a strong sense of compassion and justice and the drive to make it happen, who kind of built a community around our local Hatfield families and was always the first to help anyone who needed it. Such a person leaves a huge sense of loss,”                                                                                                                                                
And again, summed up by Sarah Tight…,
“The support I had from Stella was second to none. From sending me the property pages every week in W&H Times when we were trying to move out of London (no Internet then!!!), to helping us settle in Hatfield and her invaluable support when Steve died.”
Sarah adds, “There are many occasions when I don't know what I would have done without her. The best ever Godmother and friend. X”
There are numerous stories and letters echoing the above.                                                                                                                 
James Windle wrote on the evening his daughter was born and he was home alone, “I was immensely touched that she invited me to come that evening for supper. I will always remember her for the support she gave me on that ‘first day of the rest of my life’ as I thought of it. From time to time in the years that followed she was a good friend and a support. She was always cheerful and caring,  someone we could turn to for advice or help.”                                                                                                                                    
The Waterworth’s’ …we have so many happy memories of our times together in schools, and in your home in Heron Way. Mainly funny and always full of happy events.                                                                                                                                                       
Mum did not drive when we were young but learnt to drive in her 50’s, partly to allow her to do more in the community.

Dad being a keen driver would only let mum drive back from parties! ………… Talking of parties, I think we must not miss just mentioning Dads birthdays on the 27th of December. Without Mum driving things, these epics would never have happened.                                     
Those parties were hard work for her but fun and her way to give Dad his day and welcome all their friends in over the Christmas break.
You could not move for chat and laughter and the fug of good food, home-made beer and friends! I believe 90 people in Number 53, Heron Way was the record!!

Whilst she was always there for her children, she was not afraid to let us go and find our own way, when I left home or passed through, it was usually with a fruit cake as back up, likely the cause of my shape now but always welcomed during a cold night watch.
When we were adrift and not heard of, she simply said to those asking, “no news is good news, they will turn up”. No mobiles back then!

But with Mum, we always knew there was a base to fall back to and never a worry about bringing partners home when that time came.
There was little time for mum to do much for herself, but she looked after us all encouraging us to take up any opportunities presented to us and supporting Derek.

As we grew up and she gained more time, Mum and her friends got involved in Friendship House and  Downs Farm, an Old Peoples day centre, Margaret Waterworth says, ”Stella served as a most sensible and highly respected Committee Member. When  Downs Farm closed  she ran it from local sheltered housing near Hilltop”. When a new centre was opened, she was head hunted to run the OAP side of things but remained supportive of Friendship House. Again Margaret says, “Stella was such a loyal and non-judgemental person she always saw the value in sharing ideas and resources like the buses, outings, bringing harmony where division might have existed and absolutely seeking no personal glory”.

Whilst attending to the above she also juggled various catering jobs including many weddings. 

Mum thoroughly enjoyed her trip to South Africa orchestrated by Emma with Derek, a treat as holidays away were never a priority or even affordable. 
Again a story from that trip demonstrates her approach to life and her embracing of all and others of her. Desperate for the loo when down on the Cape of Agulus, with minimal  facilities, she popped in to the first available. Upon leaving she was informed by a lovely attendant that they were segregated, Mum responded with ‘Well we are all the same’ which was a bit  of a shock response but led to them both having a good laugh at the whole nonsense of things as they were!

As ever, family was important and she was always on hand if required and interested in the Grandchildren, Alex and Megan, Rachel, James, Asha, and Harry, employing the same patience and love as well as the look... and the words! that she used with her own children and those of the neighbourhood.                                                                                                                                                       
Mums interests included needlework but that reduced as she got older and had nobody to sew for, she very much enjoyed the local history group, cooking, reading, poetry, crosswords, playing Scrabble and Bananagrams with her grandchildren, particularly Asha and Harry in these latter days who remember fondly the games played with Grandma and Dikko after Sunday lunch.                                     
You will know that Mum nursed Dad back to health until his passing in 2005 and carried on living in Heron Way until about 6 years ago before selling up and moving to a more manageable house in Peregrine Way.  She soon decided to drop driving as she realised her own limitations.                                                                                                                                                                                      
She was very sad to see so many of her old friends, far too many to mention, pass and go, it certainly brought home her own situation and loneliness. However, she has been well served by friends, Julia, Thelma and Lorna  and others. With Sarah on hand and Dikko, David and Emma being close enough to visit regularly, she had support.                                                                                              
As testament to her open outlook, right to the end and in the short time of being in her new home, she engaged with her new neighbours, Pepe and Serie, recent arrivals to Hatfield, they had a key and would look out for her which was much appreciated by ourselves. Inevitably her illness overtook, and she would be frightened and disorientated when alone and she moved to Acacia Mews in July last year. Sadly, a fall and frailty see us where we are today, and we must say goodbye.                                                                  
Julie Fisher sent to me on the day Mum died, “Such a person leaves a huge sense of loss. I guess, tempered a little with the knowledge that what made her ‘her’ had already gone ahead. - It doesn’t mitigate the grief  and I send my best wishes to you and all of the family…” Yes, we are sad, but she was ready to go and not the person we all knew.                                                                                            
A prayer that Emma found and embraces Stella goes, …”Lord, Thank you for my family, which I cherish, because from them I learn the art of prayer, the grace of forgiveness and the way of love.” A summary of family I think?                                                                      
Just as her own mother who created our annual  gathering after declaring that she was fed up of only meeting family at funerals by announcing her own wake and subsequently attending nigh on 20 more or so that followed!, Mum continued family day as it came to be known and this baton once again gets handed down.

Please remember the indomitable but kind-hearted Stella, Friend, Sister, Mum and Grandma with your own warm thoughts. She guided us and many more…Raise a glass to Stella when you get the opportunity.